Saturday, December 29, 2012

Roll with It

Never tell anyone that you're
gonna do anything to really
give them any power over
you as they'll never let
up until you're dusted.

Never be the one who's
gonna roll over and just
let them do whatever
you wouldn't want
down the road.

Never trust those who're
gonna whore and run,
run with hair afire
around a bastille heart
and glide to forever,
desert everyone on islands
you can't hide transparency 

Never be the one,
gonna run,
make it up,
you, cravenly
cry, tumultuous. 

Never harken,
gonna carve up,
say all you can,
goodbye times five.

Never call out,
gonna run,
tell us if
a jumper can
lie inconsiderately
and calculate all heavy
hurt that deafens all around
you, angels of mercy, you. 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


Liar screams face in mirror,
hand around own self's throat,
tight like rope burns,
throttle harder
for the love
of God,

Sunday, October 21, 2012


I didn't trust you
I first met you,
you slammed poems
cleanly and clearly
and under control.

You told me to try
to do the same

and I would later
find you in a room
of other poets
and we'd sit by
each other and joke
and nerd out
over the creations
of Lucas, Whedon,
Kane and Lee.

You encouraged
my vulgarity at times
and to you, I pledge
thousands of cat slits
in the after life.


We climbed Masada,
ate Schwarma
on Ben Yehuda,
and slid
out of an elephant's ass
in Tel Aviv.

We came back to the States,
I randomly went to a party
at a frat house by UCLA
and saw you there

then years later, you'd
start to frequent some
of my events and invite
me up to your farm
out in BFE for Shabbat
dinner and eventually,
I'll take you up
on that offer.

John Ramirez Plays Bass

with stoned koalas in the land
of the first In 'N Out

he bides his time, working
in Japanese restaurants

he travels at warp speed
with his amiable pals

Bob, the bearded lovable
and long haired faux cholo

Odie, the man who is not
Garfield's dog nemesis

together, they ingest
libations and pizza

They engage in aural sex
with others like me

and they're like really,
really good at it.

Kevin O'Bry Bry

The fly guy, a person of interest
in my quest to attest all
these kinds on my chest. Hair
like Michael Richards
if he were to play Lynch's
Eraserhead and a brain
like Carville, he is a prize
worth being won, ladies. So
step right up and meet the man,
the myth, the legend
and the sheer joyous charisma
of his will distend and disengage
to feel your face like the fingers
of a blind man to know the real you.


A sea of young faces, some quizzical
and some interested and some not,
I was in a room of them as I had
been invited to read to them
like a vulgar, bearded kindergarten
To my right, you sat and it wasn't
'til later that I understood that
we were connected through mutual
friends and you were, in fact,
marrying one of them. It's
a small world after all, it's
a small world after all, it's
a small world after all.


Japanese American San Diegan
wielder of the sharpest of sharp
rapier wits, amazed you don't
need a license for the thing.

You're the tender and inventor
of beauteous legs and manicured
toes that hang and grow
from a ceiling

and you should be adored for it.


Sat in a classroom, Torrance

there to get away from Pedro
there because that's what
grades dictate.

English, my favorite subject
desperation sandwich

was looking for ingredients
was looking for band mates

and you shred.


Faux-hawks and Harley boots,
hardcore shows and homoeroticism
superheroes and car accidents
teachers we be of a shared existence
a kindred reality, with loving girls
on our arms-- but you almost c-blocked
me from getting mine.


Digitized and pixelated
in a picture, the only
one of us together
taken from the now
commonplace upward angle
of one of us holding
the camera.

You wore a ball cap
like you always did
and I ridiculous
facial hair.

It was the day after
a late 20's birthday
of mine, some time
before or after
I gave you the hat
of a witch
and we held each
other awkardly
lingering perhaps
too long

and then…

You were married.


Bandana wearing
tattooed, fish slangin' duder
nights spent in a van


Bellingham baby, Maui transplant
leaving sun for heavy rain and snow
You line your eyes with Bachalo's ink
and have a room at Choir Girl Hotel

Thousands of miles apart, we were friends
in high school. Etching Corgan and Reznor
lines into the margins of spiral notebooks,
looking at people on stage saying,

hey, I wanna do that.

Maybe we'll meet someday.


Pretty faced Wilmas ruca
bespeckled English majors

you said "ass play" once
on Facebook and you'd
of thought that I had
an asthma attack
with how hard I laughed.


I'd admire your toes
when you wore flip-flops
because they were long
because they were thin

You'd place your feet up
on the back of chairs
on the backs of desks
toasty brown digits

simian, finger-like,
slender like you
the gymnast, now a mother
all grown up and shit 

You'll still be the girl
who wrote poems about
fucking & meatloaf sandwiches, who
drew the Bat Signal on everything.


Japanese Lady
friends with Kana and Karen
wondrous glasses, good laugh

Omar ZahZah

is an opera,
an orchestra,
a fiery plume,
a sharp dagger
in the hot hands
of a winged chimp
with a bloodlust.

Lustrous four eyes,
raven haired god
among lesser
gods, damn, God damn.


Tears streak a sallow yet porcelain visage
in the passenger seat of a car
in an industrial part of town
on a side street near a punk rock bar,
the others are waiting but the owner
of the face doles out truth, doles out
the story of how a now ex-love
lacked common human decency
and the ears in the driver’s seat
listened and wondered if they were
any different than the cad
in the story and wondered,
bewildered as to how anyone
could hurt something so pretty.


My high school friend has been following me
post-diplomas through junior college
and unto the travails of a transfer student
into the same university, when I’m doing
my MFA then she’s finishing up her undergrad.
She calls me to tell me that a grad student
is teaching her fiction workshop. She says
that he’s hot. She asks if I know him
and I say yes, he’s the master of miniature men.

Joel Barber

Stoic man, back of the class
back row sitter
deceptive quiet
how many haircut jokes
have you heard
in your life?


I wanted to shock you
I had heard about you
from the mouths
of Mac and Matt
about how clever you
were and how keen
they were on you
So I said something
borderline racist
about the benefits
of dating Asian women
and how one was
how their smaller stature
meant petite vaginas, which
meant also having the illusion
that your penis was bigger.

I’m shocked you even still talk to me.


Brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin, 
last name means dispute in Sicilian,
Katy Perry blue hair, whip cream can 
titty holsters Halloween costume. Drunk 
girl in infamous Facebook photo 
amongst our mutual friends, saw you 
near Chinatown with a skinny giant 
of a young man who I had class
with once. You two, cute together,
just friends or something more?
Only you and the Cap’n can make
it happen. My gf thinks you’re nice,
stop making cameos and walk-ons.
Be more of a semi-permanent
fixture in the day-to-day
mezzanine that we call life,
“electric word— life.”


Poetry girl, poetry girl
I don’t know you
and yet, I know you

Cut from similar swaths
of the fabric of time
and space, little specks
in the cosmic lasagna
that is existence
mutually appreciate
each other’s persistence
to be more than nil ghosts
of nihilistic apathy

Poetry girl, poetry girl
write me a psalm
or a sonnet

read them into a tin can
so I can hear them when
all’s still and quiet

Poetry girl, poetry girl
if you like this
then publish it.

Maria Lopez

Not to be confused with Mario Lopez
as she’s cooler than AC Slater
like an actual air conditioner,
has hair that comes in many different
hues and shades every time you see
her. She’s strong, stronger than most
and bolder than anyone I’ve ever known.
She’s the type of friend to call you
on your bullshit when she needs to
and pat you on the back when you
deserve it. She was the first person
I ever heard use the word polyamorous
and she was one of the first people
I knew to get seriously monogamous.
She makes someone I consider a great
friend, even if we don’t talk all the time
anymore, very happy. When I see them
together, it makes me very happy
because they both deserve it and it gives
me oceans of hope that I’m worthy
of that iron clad love and trust too.


from Kanagawa,
everything about her is
sweet and so charming.

On a car ride home,
she divulged a big secret
about her nature
almost in frustrated tears
and I knew we were
buds then, b/c she felt she
could tell me the truth.
I miss her something
fierce since she went back home to
Nippon, rising sun
Japan, land of Gojira.


Hoops Partytime’s her real name,
she’ll straight up slap a man
because she don’t take no guff.
She calls me Al-House, we get
along because we’re both
neurotics but our neurosis
originates from different
regions of the soul
and the psyche
and experience
yet we’re kindred, akin
in certain ways, we
understand aching.
Where others indulge,
we get sick. Where
others feel strong
and confident, we
shrink a little
we turn to each other
and have the other act
as a coach who pushes
us with an amalgam
of harsh gentleness
towards where we
both know we
should be.


Hugs, I miss them
giving and receiving them
from you and although
our lives have taken us
down different paths
down different roads
with different companions
I know there will always be
a part of us in each other.


calls a double cheeseburger a double chi,
befriends girls with heaving bosoms,
has a face like Ryu and hair like Ken,
espouses the virtues of the Wayne’s World
soundtrack and the Toadies’ Possum Kingdom,
doesn’t understand the Red Hot Chili Peppers,
isn’t from the 50’s but says “new fangled,”
prefers current Simpsons to classic Simpsons
because it’s more topically relevant, almost
gets gear stolen by RX Bandits cokeheads,
isn’t British but says “sticky wickets,” plays
a mean guitar and will play bass in your band,
even though he knows that not everyone
in said group is sane
he’s just that awesome of a guy. 

Natalie in Late June, 1997

Sitting in the passenger seat of my father’s car,
he headed westbound on 6th and made a right
onto Bandini. His red Mitsubishi marauded
like a tamed tiger down the street’s slope
and sagging droop of steepness
with East Meyler passing beneath.

Pedro High’s Summer School classes
had been dismissed for the day, fifteen
minutes and ten blocks back. A varied
demographic of teens trickled by while
we drove past, nearing the Y.

Looking for people known to me,
I saw none. Instead a shock of red hair,
the color of a spilled juice box, atop
the head of a little frame
clad in a wife beater
and plaid pants that appeared
to be highlighted on in crisscrossing
crosshatches of various Smurf shades of blue.

She sauntered in white platforms, determined
not to wilt in the heat with her bag slung over
a shoulder and a folder tucked in the crook
of that same arm.

All I could wonder was, “who’s that
and will I meet her?”


Jew fro, Deli News pizza
AEPi meeting
Only talked about Star Wars


I’ve had a love affair with red meat my whole life.
Why should it end now? I’m assuming you do too
or how else would you have garnered such a nickname?
It’s not the only thing we have in common though. Stan Lee
wrought and Jack Kirby etched heroes, Ozzy and Iommi licks
of thundering yet tasteful heaviness, and talking about movies
until our tongues lull with dryness are just some mutual passions.

While some similarities hail from just having damn good style.

Upon integrating myself into your circle of friends,
people would often mistake me for you. To be fair,
we’re both bearded fellows on the fluffier side
who wear glasses. So if they entered a room
and caught a glance of me sideways
or from the back then I’d often receive a salutation
or greeting intended for you, which would sound
something like, “Hey, Bee… Alan.”

I didn’t mind as I’ve been mistaken for much worse. Yet recognition
and understanding are funny things, because they work in other ways.

We stood in an apartment of a girl I wanted who didn’t want me,
at least not in the way I wanted her. Jovial would be the way
that one could describe your usual visage, but it darkened in a pensive pallor
that night
in a parlor of Marlboro smoke and drunks destructively dj’ing,
I asked you what was wrong and you tried to give me the brush off,
but I persisted and you told me a tale of loss that added another dimension
that I had not known existed and I listened because you needed an ear 
and you thanked me and we were closer and I knew we were friends then.

Lindsey Lee

Bamf! Like Nightcrawler, you just appeared in my life.
Well, without the purple light and smell of brimstone.

The new girl

on the scene in my 17th year back in the go-go 90s
and your newness had me keen. You’d left behind
a life of perhaps pristine prestige at Hamilton High,
a performing arts school where everyone left class
early to audition, and yet you locomoted back
to the motherland of surfers of a wavelorn beach,
teamster entitlements, and gangsta romanticism.

You came to Pedro like a college kid on winter break,
just visiting and knowing everything from being out
in the great wide open, away from the harbor. You
seemed like a Woman already and you made me
feel like a boy who wanted to be a man.

New Year’s Eve a year away from of a new millennium
and my folks had skipped town and I had what all
teenagers must have— a party. Do you remember
you and two other girls locking yourself in my room?
I’ve always wondered what you did in there. Not sure
that I should ever know.

You said I kept one of your poems. Here is one of mine.


My sister, my best friend I never see.
¿Por quĂ© somos invisibles? To each other?
Your hermano, your brother,
your bother— My love for you is akin to
my love of all my favorite things, because I don’t
to listen to Smashing Pumpkins
or watch Star Wars or eat avocados
to show how much I appreciate them
because true care is transcendent,
but my life would be way better if I did.


You towering toothpick man’s man, you.
You ooze machismo like Iggy shirtless,
like a Nick Cave lyric, like an open can of Pabst
shotgunned at a firing range. You come
from a land whose name means China
in Spanish, where chickens once caged
now are mandated by law to peck at the ground freely.
You devoured a rare steak festooned in bacon
with asparagus as garnish
right in front me
with no intent of sharing.

You cavorted with drunk broads of indeterminate ages
at nautically themed bars,
not seeing anything wrong with a little bump and grind.
You openly listened to Nu-Metal and sang and strummed Nico,
Tyler Durdened as manager of a movie theater, Don Drapered
the fuck outta college, Warhol’d yourself a well-deserved art degree,
and broke the bronco that is prosody in all the ways I wish I could. 
Fuck the Dos Equis guy, you’re thee most interesting man alive.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Random bits, so I won't forget

Six miles of sick smiles

I'm a social butterfly fluttering through a garden of wallflowers.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Sleeping In

The luxurious and the lavish resplendence
of languishing and lingering in languor can
at times hang like the proverbial albatross
around your life, around your neck as it
holds you down as an unlucky anchor.

Yet maybe it’s even more like a pendulum.
Its jackhammer sway batters an ever-present
reminder that time goosesteps on in black boots
and combat grays into our supple sponges of brainy batter.

Material that makes us a moveable feast for zombies,
“was that what Hemmingway was writing about?”
You might ask yourself such quandaries in the blissful
yet disappointing half sleep you find yourself in. Like
trying to touch the bottom of a pool, you’d push against
gravity and impending pressure to return to the deep.

That must make swimming and dreaming both
into forms of simple survival. The need for air
and the need for imaginative blitzkriegs of escapism
keep us from drowning.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Ode to Super Mario Bros.

Down a green pipe, I crawl through the shit
of a nation of demon turtles and walking mushrooms
to find you.

Me, a mere mustachioed portly plumber
with my given name the same as my surname, rides
an unruly and ravenous dinosaur through
deceptively cartoonish battlefields
to free you and your people.

With only my slightly taller and svelte brother
to aid in this quest,
raccoon suits and capes are dawned to take flight.

My life and size dependant on colored mushrooms I eat.

Breaking bricks with my head,
shooting flames from my hands
and tossing uprooted turnips;
I vanquish an empire.


to find that you aren’t even in this motherfucking castle.



View My Stats

Bigmouth Strikes Again